bravejemma | Penance Inbox

last night.

i probably should've just stayed away after all the hellburbia shit. i was his son for a little while there. but it's been kinda hard shaking that feeling so i had to check if he was ok. that's when he asked me to check on you.

hey. you don't have to tell me why he's in there, but can you at least tell me if it's for a good reason? because everything about this seems pretty unfair to me.

[Oh. Mentioning Hellburbia brings it all into sharp relief.]

1/2
I understand. Those memories are very powerful. Even if we know it was all made up, our brains don't know the difference. They feel real.

[She contemplates for a long moment how much to share -- on the one hand, he'd been in Hellburbia and the Doctor's son, maybe he was owed an explanation as much as anyone. And she'd rather say her piece than let misinformation drown her out.]

2/2
It's complicated, but I promise it's the best place for Fitz right now. It's only a temporary solution. Believe me, I want him out as soon as I can have him.

The thing is, Dr. Fitz isn't just a Hellburbia creation. He's an alter ego of sorts, and it is he who plotted with Barbas to reinstate Hellburbia. Again, it's something of a complex story but it's an artifact from our world. The worst Fitz is guilty of is some [She pauses for a long moment, searching for the right phrasing.] questionable decisions that were still for what he believes were noble reasons.

[Which is a really nice way to say "my husband is an idiot, sometimes."]

[ It definitely sounds complicated. And his feelings on the matter are even more complicated. So. His father is still in there. And that becomes a dangerous thing because what might Tech do if the Doctor were to emerge again? How might his fake loyalties betray him? And would Suzaku or Kate do the same?

Hopefully with time, it all will fade like a vivid dream or forgotten memories. ]

but if it was an alter ego, what good is locking him up gonna do? i'm sorry, but it's not like hell's coming in strong with quality psychiatrists.

if he's out and has someone like you by his side, couldn't you just sound the alarms at the slightest sign of the doctor emerging? he already lost the trust of a bunch of people from the sound of things. why does he have to lose freedom on top of it?

we're in hell for fuck's sake. everyone's gonna fuck up here and there. and it's not fitz's fault there's fragmenting going on.

[ Again, it just doesn't seem fair. Questionable decisions isn't a reason to lock someone in a dungeon for an unforeseeable amount of time. ]

Edited 2022-02-25 20:09 (UTC)

[It feels a little like critique of how they've chosen to handle the matter, and it's irritating. Because no choice she makes is ever going to be correct or good enough.

But that's her garbage. She breathes deeply and starts to type.]

As I said, it is a temporary solution and it will be resolved as soon as I can find one. For now he is safe where he is -- if the Doctor reemerges he can't get out, and no one can get in to Fitz in the meantime.

[ That surprises him. It surprises him because in all of this, he didn't think Jemma had a say in the decision -- that it was up to all the people playing hero or Lucifer or someone other than his wife. He'd assumed Jemma was someone standing on the sideline like him, helpless and warring between emotional impulses to bust Fitz out and logic. ]

sorry. you know the situation better than me so if this is what you think is best...

i don't know the whole story. i don't understand it. i don't even know that i'd care if i did know those things. all i know is it's "my dad" in there and i wanna help

I know it's hard, having those two sets of memories. But that impulse doesn't have to overcome the knowledge of where you are now.
I don't know what your experiences with the Doctor in that life were. All I have are my own experiences and memories of the first Hellburbia, but you and everyone else here deserve better than what that place ultimately is.

[And any esteem he might have for the Doctor is much better redirected for Fitz's benefit. If the former has any good qualities it's because there is something innate to Fitz's nature that even AIDA couldn't reprogram completely.]

[ Tech's not sure what to say. He knows, logically, who he is. It's just that who he is will always lack all the things he had in Hellburbia. A part of him has always been desperate for a fatherly affection. And that seems pathetic to bring up to a near stranger...so instead he focuses on the facts. ]

you say a "first" hellburbia. did this happen before? and was barbas responsible for it that time, too? i got here for the tail end of the barbas BS. when everyone fought him and destroyed the hotel. right before we got shipped off to mammon's island. so anything that happened before that, i missed.

[She does a little backtracking in her own mind -- Mammon's Island was in May, so it's been just under a year for him.]

There was a Hellburbia almost two years ago. This one wasn't Barbas's doing, it was a punishment from Lucifer that was basically designed to teach us how good we have it here -- we still have our free will, after all!

[You can almost hear the sarcasm.]

It wasn't meant to last forever. It was short, less than a month.

[ That changes the narrative a bit and hearkens back to Tech's original theory that Barbas and Lucifer are actually putting on a show because they want to play with the sinners' emotions -- steer them toward loyalty toward Lucifer. It would make more sense than Lucifer being so incompetent that he got trapped in a version of a spell he himself had cast before. ]

so basically this whole thing was a remix with the only difference being barbas intended to make it permanent? geesh, there's a whole lack of creativity going on in the torture department. where do we bring our complaints?

[ An attempt at humor. Though he's not feeling very humorous right now. Fuck this whole situation. ]

but so long as barbas is still around and the doctor is still kicking inside of fitz, is there a chance this could happen again?

I've found very little is noted in the way of complaints given that it's -- well -- Hell. I think it was probably more a matter of convenience than concern for ingenuity, though.

[But she smirks a little as she types it. He's right, it is dreadfully one-note.]

There's a chance. At this moment I'm not certain how we all might proceed on making sure it doesn't happen again.

could we just....idk, kill barbas? like with him gone, that would be problem solved.

[ Yeah, maybe he's over here casually suggesting murder but like....prove him wrong that it wouldn't fix things!! Can't have a spell if the one casting it is dead, right?? ]

although come to think of it, do the demon lords follow the same resurrection rules that we got? i know a few of the sinners who have died here and revived, so if demons can do the same, then i guess killing them isn't a solution either.

Not that I'm opposed to the idea, but Lucifer has alluded to a delicate balance amongst the celestial beings present that shouldn't be disrupted. And until proven otherwise I have to assume the resurrection rules do apply, so really the only thing a murder might do is put a bigger target on one's back. The only plus is those rules seem to apply for everyone.

Edited 2022-03-27 03:04 (UTC)

idk if this is useful at all, but i was kinda a nerd back in hellburbia. and one of the things that stuck with me afterward is being able to translate some of the ancient demon languages. maybe there's an answer hiding in one of their books? i feel like every time i open one, i risk getting cursed lol but i'd be willing to look into it if it can help fitz.

[O rly.]

That would certainly open up my options for research, if you're willing to help. I'm pretty limited in what I can read myself, language-wise. So that could be helpful, yes, thank you.

yeah, you got it. we're kinda fam now so i got your back. you're like my stepmom now, right?

...i promise not to say that ever again and make it weird 😂

anyway, even without fitz being my fake dad, he's done me some favors having some computer parts sent my way from the office. so i owe him, even if what he thought he was sending me was junk

anything in particular you want me looking into?

[Well, it's definitely not the worst thing she's ever been called, and no one's ever been the worse off for more people in their corner here.]

Ha! I suppose we are, in a way. It's not any less strange than having memories of giving birth to people you definitely didn't give birth to, anyway.

Honestly, I'll take any forward progress at this point. I've been trying to look into the taboo on Barbas's name and what that may entail -- I don't know if it came up when you saw him, but Fitz can't seem to bear to have his name said and talking about him doesn't fare much better. But he said the Doctor and Barbas were going to be sure that whatever work they were doing, he couldn't undo it, and it involved giving blood willfully. And I suppose while technically Fitz wasn't the one giving it, it is the same blood. I don't know if that work was the Hellburbia takeover or something else worse.

[Bloody ridiculous, isn't there some kind of magic court you can go argue in about these things? Probably not. But Jemma would do it.]

And of course if we could just... throw the Doctor away that would be neat and tidy.

[A girl can dream.]

it didn't, really. but we didn't talk about that guy too much. i didn't stay long and he'd asked me to check in on you. but that gives a good jump off point if nothing else. looking into spells that invoke names or something along with blood magic.

the latter, not sure anyone can fix that. except fitz.

[And that is a messy prospect and always has been.]

Unfortunately. But that's my Fitz, giving even his worst self the compassion he won't give himself.

Thank you. Let me know if you find anything.

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