bravejemma | IC Inbox

[It was always going to be a painful and complicated -- tearing your heart out and showing someone else what was inside it always is, especially when they already knew it as intimately as Fitz knew hers.

She's lived in moments like this, where it's just him and her and it always ends. This one stretches on into infinity, and it isn't passing. This is terrifying but it's familiar.]

Fitz...

["I'm scared too. Don't judge me wrongly. Don't leave me."]

Edited 2017-01-22 21:02 (UTC)

[He shouldn't. He shouldn't complicate things further. He should be still, and let her speak, and be sensitive to her choices.

But now he's kissing her and he doesn't know when it started but he's pressing her against the desk now and paperwork is shifting out of sequence.

This isn't the way this ought to go. But he's too weak to do it any other way.]

[How ironic -- if he were that sensitive, he would realize he was the choice.

She'd let the other world's Fitz kiss her, and let herself kiss him back -- not without guilt, but this was not that. He was himself, and this was real.

OH GOD NOT THE PAPERWORK--

Just kidding, Jemma could give a shit about the papers that are currently being shoved to the side. She wants him and she's done using words to get her message across.]

[It's a release in a lot of ways. Jemma's mouth is pressed against his mouth, and everything that's kept them apart is removed for just a small, blissful moment.

And then his next breath comes, and he's releasing her, eyes wide. Has he forced himself upon her?

He should apologize, but all he manages are a smattering of unrelated syllables.]

[She doesn't let go even as he's pulling away, and it feels like the floor has bottomed out from under her, and she is falling and he is watching her slip into a void.]

Stop running away from me!

[It slips out before she stops it, but that's exactly what it feels like. She knows he never would, she will be tripping over Fitz until the day she dies regardless of who else might come into their lives, but if he were to do so she can't imagine feeling any worse.]

[She's upset. She's upset and it's because he's upset her. He pulls her close again, and one hand cups her cheek in a tender caress.]

Jemma, please calm down...

[Is she upset about Will? Is she just afraid she'll be alone again?]

[It's like she's being burned. Is this what it feels like to be killed with kindness? She closes her eyes and lays her forehead against his.]

What is it going to take for you to get it?

[He presses his forehead against hers, staring desperately into her eyes.]

You could start by telling me what you want me to know.

[Because he has no idea what to guess anymore.]

[She'd thought so many times about what she would say if she only could on that lonely planet. Why was it so hard now?]

You're not my second or third choice. You're my first. I love you. And I don't know how much more plainly I can say it or what I can tell you to make you believe it.

[ It isn't the sort of thing he's imagined her saying. Oh, it's come up in dreams and fantasies, but never in any sort of practical setting. Jemma Simmons only loves him when he's asleep.

Except she's said it. And he ought to say it back at her. But she's said it and now all he wants in the world is to hear it again and again for the rest of his life. ]

You... mean That? It's not an elaborate prank -- or an event -- or...?

[ is hoping okay to do in this instance? ]

I'd never.

[Please be real.

He kisses her again, more forcefully this time. If she means it, then this changes absolutely everything, in a way that's new and terrifying.]

[By George, he's got it.

She returns the force, ounce for bloody ounce as relief floods her body. Limbs feel impossibly light as she presses up against him.]

[When they part next, it's more naturally, as he tilts his head slightly without untangling their arms.]

We're still in the lab -- someone might -- you know.

[She hadn't considered the location. But being backed up against the desk with plenty of delicate equipment and the possibility that they could be walked in on deserves consideration, of course.]

... Of course. Elsewhere?

[She asks a bit shyly, unsure of his answer.]

E-elsewhere??

[His voice cracks pubescently. Elsewhere is an option?]

[She realizes what she's said and how cavalierly she's said it, and blushes immediately, covering his speech with hers.]

No, of course not, I mean -- that was a ridiculous suggestion, forgive me--

N-no -- it's only --

[Suddenly, Guilt. Jemma's all but inviting him. She's been so honest, and yet...]

I have to tell you something.

[Ah yes, here it is, the other shoe, ready to squash them like insects. Ignoring the sudden return of anxiety in her stomach best she can, she speaks calmly.]

All right. I'm listening.

[His mouth feels dry. Jemma is here, and willing, and so ready, and that's about to change.]

Well. ....The thing is, I...

Before you got here.

[She'll hate him.]

There was an event, and I...

[God she wishes he'd just say it.]

An event... and...

And there's been a girl, and -- I've not touched her intimately since then, but.

[But he hasn't been entirely faithful.

To the woman who was never actually dating him.

And this has been a legitimate source of guilt to him for months now.]

[Logically, she knows she shouldn't be hurt. They weren't -- aren't -- together, and it's foolish to let something like that bother her. But it would also be a lie to say it didn't have any effect. But it bothers him.]

I've been with other people, too, Fitz.

[Not just Will. She's been with other men, and he knows that. But he'd been without her, just as she'd been without him, thinking you could never get home. And if it was an event, who knows what have happened?]

Was it... is she... were you... ?

It was one of the sorts where they get everyone's heads scrambled, make you think you're living a different life. It wasn't either of us, but -- I still take responsibility for -- the things that happened.

And. You... Needed to know about it.

[He rubs at the back of his neck, shifting his weight.]

[She kind of wants to ask who, even if it's not all that proper to ask. After all, what would she do with the information once she had it?

She takes his hand and holds it between hers.]

I'm sorry. I... that the event can do that.

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